She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
