i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
