just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
