dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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