I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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