cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
