i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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