Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
