I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just tell him i said nine months
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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