It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
