Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
