I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
