Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
