The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think I am morally bankrupt
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
