I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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