It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
