Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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