girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
