I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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