I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
