My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
