Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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