I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
this hospital has no fireball
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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