Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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