I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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