Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
