I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
