I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
