I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize