I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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