Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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