Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
