are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
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we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
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Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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