If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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