my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
