Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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