Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
