Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
