I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
