I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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