she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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