So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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