I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
