I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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