God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
