You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
