I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
