During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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