Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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