he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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