i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My bed smells like the plague
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
