If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
