I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
