I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
