hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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