genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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