It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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