Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Randomize
