I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could fuck to npr.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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