i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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