I hate your face
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
