last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you had me at cake vodka
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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