i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
