I could make wine with my vomit
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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