The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
