put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?Â
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
His nipple licking is glorious
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