I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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