My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
