I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
