I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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